the killer blender, chipmunk, penciel, etc, etc
by HeeroHottie
Summary: things keep happening, 3 pilots die (dont worry bout 01&02 i could never kill them) inatament objects kill, what will happen...i suck at sumaries this is not yaoi...yet, language, and...i dunno
1. the freak out

Disclaimer: I don't own any anime, music star (I wish), TV star, or abc news so don't sue me.

**THE KILLER BLENDER, CHIPMUNK, PENCIEL, PAPER, BUILDING, TIRE, BAG, CLOCK,CHALK, BOARD. DOOR, ETC…**

Duo walked into the living room of the house he and the other pilots were sharing, and turned on the TV. "ugh the news" he was about to change the channel to gay porn, which he was able to get due to the cable box he stole from the homeless man up the street, but what he heard stopped him. He sat down on the couch and glued his eyes to the TV. The woman on the news said "late last night, a man had been brutally murdered, his face was chopped up, fingers were missing, and he had his dick up his ass…..what?……oh sorry folks, the man was not found with his dick up his ass, one of our reporters did it as a joke and took pictures, they can be viewed on our website www.abcnews.com, and now we'll go to Tom who has more on this devastating story, Tom…" [camera goes to Tom] "thanks Tracy, we're not sure how the man was killed, it looks as though he was attacked by Edward scissor hands, police did say that they found a blood covered blender beside the man, now how a blender could do this to someone is beyond me." [camera goes back to Tracy] "Thanks Tom, we'll have more on this story at eleven. Now in other news, a cat was devoured by a chipmunk earlier this morning, the owner says it was the devil, others say he's the devil, what do you think? Log on and tell us."

Duo turns off the TV and runs upstairs to tell Heero, who, of course, doesn't give a fuck, and tells Duo to fuck off. So Duo goes downstairs to try and find Quatre 'at least he'll listen to me' he thought as he opened the kitchen door. When he walked in he heard Quatre turn on the blender. He panicked when he saw Quatre in front of it, and pushed him to the floor, he landed on his ass yelling at Duo, who was now beating the shit out of the blender, and yelling at it not to hurt people. I guess that wasn't enough because he pulled his gun and shot until he heard clicking, signaling he was out of rounds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok that sucked, but for once I actually like one of the stories I'm writing so weather you guys like it or not I'll still write it, of course I want reviews still though, and I know its at a bad stopping point but for 1 I'm tired as hell, 2 I'm writing this during study hall so what ever I get done there goes here when I get home, some will be long some will be short like this one, and 3 I have to go to bed so I can think up some ways to kill people and figure out who I'm going to kill so bu bye


	2. what u didnt know about trowa makes no s...

Disclaimer: I dun own any anime character, show, or nething associated with it except my GW DVD collection that is mine and I have the receipt to prove it so *sticks out tongue* screw off. OH AND I DON'T OWN abc news

Anyways on with ch2.….

Duo stood there before the blender, eyes wide and body shaking. Quatre got up off the ground just as Heero, Wufei, and Trowa came rushing into the kitchen to see what all the shooting was about.

Trowa went over to Quatre to make sure he was alright, Wufei just stood there shocked, and Heero went over to Duo and took the gun out of his hand. Duo was shaking and Heero grabbed his shoulders and asked what happened. Duo didn't answer, so Heero got him some water, then after about five minutes or so, they all went into the living room, where Duo told them all the story.

"I came down to watch some TV, when I turned on the tella tube it was the news, I was about to change it when I heard something that made me stop. The lady said that late last night a man had been brutally murdered, and that his face had been chopped up and he was missing some fingers, one of the news guys stuck his dick up his ass and took pictures, she said they were posted on www.abcnews.com, anyway then it went to a guy named Tom, he said he wasn't sure how the man was killed, that it looked as though he was attacked by Edward scissor hands, he said police said that they found a blood covered blender beside the man, but how a blender could do this to someone was beyond him. And that's all besides a cat getting devoured by a chipmunk earlier" they were all staring at Duo in shock. "and when I saw Quat in front of the blender it scared me and I panicked"

Trowa was the first to speak "I'm uhh going to go look at the uhh, I'm going online" he then got up and went upstairs and shut his door. A few minutes later Heero got up and went to Trowa's room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well that's it took 3 days to get this cause I wasn't in study hall for two, neway fuckin review me I aint got one yet and I want feedback.


	3. its happened again, and wheres Heero?

(*quick note: omg ppl im soooooo sorry its takin me this long to update, the reason is cuz i gave up on my fics and am just now startin back, but like in the last chapter i will be working on this in study hall, i did this today, oh and dont be mad if theres a bunch of mistakes. my ms-word died so im typing this in wordpadm *cries* i miss my ms-word!!. ill have to use this till i get it back  
  
disclaimer: i dont own the gundam boys, mc donalds, WAL*MART, abcnews,hello kitty company and/or there toys, USA paper:mate. american pencils, a goldfish named charly, or anything else mintioned in this fic, so no sueing!!! i dont have much anyway.....  
  
too lazy to write accual title  
  
CH.3....  
  
When Duo woke up the next morning, he noticed Heero hadn't come to bed, so he set out to look for him. First he checked the bathroom, he looked in the closet then the shower, as he was about to leave, he noticed something in the toilet "hmm?" he walked over to the toiler and looked in "Charly?" it was his old goldfish "I thought you died" Charly looked up at him and blew a couple water bubbles (A/N: can fish do that?) "hm I'll have to tell the guys not to use the toilet for a while till I can get you out, im doin something right now" he then left to go downstairs to continue his search for Heero, in the kitchen he found Quatre, "hey Quat, wheres Heero?"  
  
"I don't know Duo"  
  
"hmm"  
  
"why?"  
  
"he didn't come to bed last night," Duo leaned onto the counter.  
  
"well I havn't seen him, sorry"  
  
Duo sighed and went out into the livingroom to watch TV. he turned on the news out of curiosuty to see if anything strange had happened like yesterday.  
  
sure enough there was a special report on a lady that got, what it liiks like, stabbed by dozens of USA papermate american HB no.2 pencils. the news lady, Tracy, comes on screen with a little box behind her with a skull and crossbone, with two pencils as the crossbones, in the box,  
  
"well it seens we have yet another tradgity, it seens that a lady working at WAL*MART was restocking the shelves of pencils, when some how, for some unknown reason, they all fell on her, sticking out of her body in numerous places."  
  
the screen goes to a video clip of a woman on a stretcher being loaded up onto an ambulance with a white sheet over her body, you can see a bunch of things holding up the sheet with knot like things probing through the sheet, much like a mans dick does when he's horny.  
  
"and once again one of our reporters decided to fuck the victim and take pictures, they can be viewed at www.abcnews.com"  
  
Tracy comes back on screen. "we will now take you to... wait a minute, I've just been handed a specialer special report, just now a man at the Mc Donalds on the corner of Fat ST. and Ars ave. has had a fatal acident, it seens he was going for the world record of eating the most bigmacs in 10 minutes. In that time he consumed 50,206 bigmacs, then promply exploded, leaving the other customers, and the people on the side lines horrifyed and cover in bodily remains. the guys left arm flew and landed on a kids happy meal, she will be attending counsiling sessions to help her recover from that experience. one again the reporter rushed in, but was extremely disapointed when he realized there was no body left. in his dispar he grabbed a woman and beat her brain in with a hello kitty toy you get in the happy meals, he then proceded to fuck her, he yet again took pictures, and they will be uploaded onto www.abcnews.com shortly, so check into that later. we will now take a look at the weather with Tom,Tom"  
  
camera goes to Tom "thanks Tracy, well today will be....." Duo cut off the TV. and sighed "what the hell is going on... and wheres Heero?" Duo got up and went back upstairs, as he was passing Trowas door the knob started shaking and the door opened to reviel Heero, he fell on the floor infront of Duo's feet "Heero!" Duo cried excididly.  
  
Heero looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep at all in the past 48 hours (A/N or however long its been since he went into that room) or food or water or anything, his eyes were very large and bloodshot. he grabed Duo's legs and started to pull himself up. "D....Duo...you must help....help Trowa..." he then colapsed and passed out at Duo's feet.  
  
Duo stood there looking from Heero to the door to Trowa's room. he picked up Heero and took him to his room and layed him on the bed. he then went back to Trowas room and stopped at the door. "......" Duo gulps and reaches for the door knob with a shaky hand, he takes a deep breath and opens the door, he stops inside. he can see the glow from the computer "Trowa?"  
  
"....." You can hear the clicking of a mouse.  
  
"Trowa are you ok?"  
  
there is no response, just the sound of a clicking mouse "Trowa? what are you doing?"  
  
*click*....*click click* Duo slowly walks over to Trowa and stands behind him and looks over his shoulder at the screen, on it there are pictures of...a man fucking a body, at the top of the screen it sais ABC News.  
  
"oh my god! Trowa!!"  
  
Trowa starts to laugh but it sounds as if he's in pain. "eh heh heh ahh Duo heh you have to heh heh help heh help me!"  
  
Duo stared in shock at Trowa's expression, he looked like he had seen a ghost and got the shit scared out of him, his eyes were extrenely wide and bloodshot, his hair was a mess, his shirt was torn and there was printed off pictures of the pics all over the floor and desk area.  
  
"oh... Trowa..."  
  
tbc.....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
OK now i know there are prolly a ton of errors in there...sorry, i went back and corrected a few things but i didnt go in depth with the spell checking and whatnot, but like I said, im soooo sorry i havn't updated in forever.... and review me pleeeeaaaase, it was the reviews i got that made me start writing again, and forgive me if this chapter sux, i suck at writing anyway.... well thas all PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!~~!!!!!~~!!!!~~....  
  
REVIEW!!!!!!  
  
REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!! 


	4. what the hell is going on?

disclaimer: i dont own the gundam boys, mc donalds, WAL*MART, abcnews,hello kitty company and/or there toys, USA paper:mate. american pencils, selsin blue company tho i do own a bottle of it, a goldfish named charly, or anything else mintioned in this fic, so no sueing!!! i dont have much anyway.....  
  
  
  
this chapter will prolly suck, i was in a bad mood when i wrote it..........  
  
You know the tittle............  
  
CH.4  
  
Trowa was still printing off the pics slowly, but then an update of the new pics from the Mc Donalds came on and Trowa went printer crazy. The printer started shooting out papers extremely fast, Trowa was rocking back and forth, a paper hit his face and cut him, then another, and another.... one piece sliced off his arm, Duo picked it up and started beating the printer with it, Trowa started yelling and jumping, he used his only hand to grab the ceiling fan and turned it on high, he started spinning, slinging blood everywhere. papers were still flying and a couple hit a cat in the window, slicing it into many pieces. Duo continued his assult on the printer with Trowas arm. Trowa, by this time, had died and his body was just hanging there, spinning in circles.  
  
When Duo finaly noticed Trowa, he had killed the printer and Trowa's arm was.... not an arma nymore. Duo had this strange urge to go get a camera, some lube, and not tell anyone about Trowa....  
  
"What the hell?!" Duo ran from the room to tell Quatre and the others  
  
after Duo told everyone, they all, except Heero, started crying. Heero just sat there playing with a catapiller. It started crawling up his arm so he squished it... Duo looked at him weird.  
  
"um... im going to the bathroom" Quatre said, he got up and went upstairs  
  
a few moments later you heat the sound of a flushing toiler.... Duo's eyes pop oopen the size of sausers "oh shit, Charley!!" Duo jumps up from his seat and runs upstairs, tripping over a cupcake "ow, god damn cupcake" he gets to the bathroom and dives for the toilet yelling "Chaaaaarrrrllllly!!"  
  
Quatre is so startled he falls back into the shower nocking over a bottle of selsin blue, the green shampoo falls all over his head, turning him into a green smurf (A/N: shut up -_-)  
  
Duo sits there on the floor sobbing and quietly saying "Charley, oh Charley" over and over.  
  
Heero looks at Wufei and Wufei leans over and whispers into Heero's ear "um isn't Charley a fish?" Heero nods "and didn't he die?" another nod "ok, and didn't we alreadt flush him a month ago?" yet another nod ".... what the fuck?!" Wufei screams and gies over to Duo and picks him up by his shirt and throws him out into the hallway.  
  
Heero gets pissed at Wufei and pulls out a gun, aims it at Wufei's head and pulls the trigger.  
  
Wufei tenses up and prepares to die...then is shot in the face with a little stream of water.  
  
they all stand there, staring dumbly at Heero who blushes and drops the water gun, they all start laughing, then Heero stops and pulls out a real gun, "see ya" he pulls the trigger and kills Wufei. Rats start crowding up in the hallwat nibbling at Wufei's body, after about five minutes they all go away leaving nothing but his skelleton.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The G-boys (whats left of them) go downstairs and sit on the couch. Duo tries to pick up the remote, when the doorbell rings.  
  
"I'll get it" Quatre gets up and goes to the door, it's stuck so he tells Heero to shoot it, so Heero shoots it multiple times. it finally opens and standing there is the mailman, full of holes and a letter to Heero from relena (A/N: i refuse to capitalize her name) Quatre takes the letter and clises the door in his face, the mailman raises his foot to leave but colapses and dies. Birds fly down and peck at his head, exposing his brain, then they peck at that.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~back inside~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Quatre hands Heero the letter.  
  
"What is this?" Heero asked  
  
"I dont know.... It's from the pink princess..."  
  
"oh boy" Heero opens the letter and pulls out a single piece of paper and starts reading. His eyes grow wide and he turns pale as he reads, his hands start to shake...a bird flys into the window, making a *splat* noise...  
  
"oh my..... god..." Heero says hardly audible, then he falls to the floor.  
  
"Heero!!" Duo yells and goes to Heero's side"What the hell is in that letter!?"  
  
Quatre picks it up and starts reading *gasp* "Duo I think you should read this......."  
  
tbc....  
  
REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!  
  
ok well dont plan on me updating within these next few days, not till monday anyway, im gettin checked out of school thuresday before my studyhall and then friday im goin on a feild trip all day, then i dont do jack shit on weekends so.... yea,plus i need to think of what that letter can say.... well till then cya!! 


	5. the letter

disclaimer: i dont own the gundam boys, mc donalds, WAL*MART, abcnews,hello kitty company and/or there toys, USA paper:mate. american pencils, selsin blue company tho i do own a bottle of it, a goldfish named charly, or anything else mintioned in this fic, so no sueing!!! i dont have much anyway.....  
  
Duo picked up the letter and read it to see what had caused Heero to pass out like that.  
  
The letter was writtin in very evil prepy handwriting (A/N: i hate preps, they r the eevil of the universe) it read:  
  
Dear Heero,  
  
  
  
I am being held captive by OZ, they are beating me with fish and they are making me look at those pictures on abcnews.com. They send in rabid racoons everyday and provoke them into bitting me. I'm in a cell... a gray cell...it's not pink! do you know how tromatizing this is!?  
  
When they kidnaped me the took your dog Hee-chan too, but I dont know where he's at. I havn't seen him in the week i've been here. I am able to get this to you only because of the gaurd, hes a total dumbass, i told him if he puts this letter in the little blue box then he'll get a prize. Please help me Heero! I have rabies! and unless you save me soon I'll die!  
  
This base is located in Siberia nine miles west of the 7 eleven, you cant miss it it's the only two things out here.   
  
I await you're arival  
  
Love,  
  
Relena  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Heero was starting to come to "unn Hee-chan? nooooooo HEE-CHAN!" Heero grabed onto Duo's leg "Duo we HAVE to go save Hee-chan!"  
  
Duo looked down at Heero "what about Relena?"  
  
"um what about her?" Heero looked confused  
  
Duo sighed and tried to turn around to go sitdown but with Heero on his leg, fell face first into a bowl of jello.   
  
A psychotic homeless woman with pink hair and a peg leg came flying through the window and attacked the mess on the floor.  
  
"Damnit not again!" Quatre yelled as he started beating the woman with a twizler.  
  
Heero was licking Duo's face...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~after all that~~~~~~~~~  
  
"you smell like jello" Heero stated sniffing Duo's hair  
  
"I wonder why" Duo said in an annoyed tone.  
  
Quatre was crying over the destroyed twizler, then abrubtly through it over his shoulder and got another one.  
  
"ok so we'll go save hee-chan" Duo said getting up and hitting his head on the condom dangling from the abnormaly low fan.   
  
Heero jumped up and hugged Duo "yay!"   
  
tbc....  
  
ok short but you people are pissing me off! I am not going to update this fucking fic till i get some mother fucking reviews!! REVIEW GOD DAMNIT! 


	6. pissy fit

Ok hi…. Um I just read the fic that I wrote…. Um I don't know what the fuck I was smoking but uh yea….. O yea…….. If there is ANYONE that fucking likes this god damn fic then R. E. V. I. E. W. ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU STUPID FUCKING LOSERS!…. Ok sorry I really am! But please review! I know im an annoying asshole w/o a brain but I need feedback…. And I like reading what you have to say so please? And don't you want to know what happens to hee-chan? *pouts*


End file.
